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"Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two…" Philippians 1:22-23
January 29, 1991
And So, Kingdom Friends...
Life goes on for us. Nothing seems to change. We find ourselves caught between two worlds, moving down a narrowing passageway between earth-without and heaven-within. This life's possibilities become increasingly dry. Yet the glories of next life seem still out of reach. An occasional ray of light... a burst of Spirit... a glimpse of Beyond—impels us forward.
Otherwise we find ourselves yet in that no-man's-land, a land defined only by our increasing inability to find fulfilment with anything we have known, reduced to patient waiting for a hope that cannot be grasped nor enforced into being through our response to the heart's vision of it. The first ways of serving the Lord which once brought deep satisfaction no longer do.
It is not that there is no value to the myriad of ways we have known to spend our energy for God. But as our energy is spent, our sense of value changes. Things we once prized are now counted loss. So the things we once undertook for God or anticipated from Him no longer have direct meaning or appeal to us— though in their season, were of great value, and still are for those who walk in them.
But now that our energies have been spent in pursuit of knowing Him— our carcasses drained of natural life as living sacrifices, we await a new filling from within these dry, empty shells. We await a new putting-on of God Himself, a new clothing of the Majesty-from-on-High overpowering anything we have known heretofore of the Presence and Power of God.
We await a baptism, a transforming, a "translation" that far outshines that first vibrant zeal we had at conversion, or that power of holiness we tasted at Spirit-baptism. We await something that has not yet been encountered in the annals of modern sainthood.
But when it comes, then shall we have the replacement of all we have lost to this day—secure provision in place of lost ability to earn a living; permanent, reliable, intimate Body relationship in place of our lost ability to engage and feel relationship; stable dwelling in the land of the living, replacing our lost ability to maintain a dwelling place in the world; and steady, rewarding employment in place of lost ability to function for God.
As we come nearer to the vortex, the line between hope and disappointment intensifies. In our maturing spiritual perceptiveness, our ripening vision brings more intense expectation of fulfilment. Yet in our decreasing natural functionality, our disappointment through the cross over one more dashed expectation is ever keener—ever sharper to the dividing of soul and spirit.
Oscillation: vibration between two poles
It is over this line between present hope and dashed hope that the Church remains at greatest odds with itself—an oddship which cannot be healed until the perfection toward which the oscillation leads is accomplished. On one side are those who speak out of the positive vision of Spirit-impelled hope. On the other are those who speak in the prophetic negative—cautioningly, warningly over that which cannot be expected within this life. So we have positive doctrines and negative doctrines.
Those who are "green" to the process of oscillation are zealously committed to the "rightness" of their side of the experiential fence. They are either too young or too stubborn to have been led into oscillation through confronting the incompleteness of their position.
Those more seasoned, however, are more quiet. Having been led into both sides of doctrine and experience enough times, and making the subtle internal changes between both sides with increasing rapidity, these know that both are right, and both are not. They realize that their oscillation itself is the means by which they are being led to another kind of goal...
As our oscillation between vision and death, hope and disappointment, spiritual drive and crucified relinquishment becomes refined to an inward hum, we approach the threshold of that unspeakable transformation that will deliver us from the dimension of oscillation all together—an oscillation begun with the first proposition of good and evil to our young minds. We will never again be subject to the need for "balance." Our mental structure will be delivered forever from duality. We will be at one with the Lord.
A Word to the Wise
What is my advice then? Learn to recognize oscillation in your own life, flowing with it down the personal path God has chosen toward your perfection:
* Learn from your past changes of mind.
* Learn to refrain from championing any propositions, causes, doctrines, or revelations, positive or negative, save as is necessary to fulfil immediate obedience to the unctioning of God's Spirit on you.
* Understand that no present, positive expectation or negative release of expectation through dashed hope is final. No doctrine spoken from a pure heart is finally right or wrong except by context of application. Know that even impure errors are but corruptions of once pure truth.
Learn to recognize the powers of oscillation at work in the larger Body of Christ:
* Recognize the distinction of positive, femine-spirit, body-focused ministry with its expectation toward present life, and negative, masculine-spirit, disciple-focused ministry with its disappointment toward present life.
* Learn which of the above spirit-natures has primarily shaped your life in Christ.
* Learn to perceive from which frequency you speak and which frequency others speak at any time. Except for where God anoints you to personify a particular oscillation leading to confrontation with imbalance, be a peace-maker between the two.
*In no case tie the fate of your destiny in the Kingdom to any cause through holding others hostage to personal judgment based on any point of your own oscillation. You will change. And so will they.
You have heard much about the Kingdom. You have heard much controversy concerning the Kingdom. Do not be caught up in it, pro or con. Remember, as we, the entire Body, come closer to that threshold of perfection, the refinement of oscillation is exceeding fine and tense. Positive visionary expectation and proclamation increases. So does negative prophetic exhortation through the cross of disappointment.
These are the contractions of birth—contraction through contradiction as multitudes move back and forth through the refining polarities toward the vortex of resurrected life and final deliverance from the knowledge of good and evil.
In nature, you have seen oscillation many times:
— the bouncing of a ball in decreasing rebounds at ever quicker pace until it is still,
— the blur of a vibrating tuning fork until it is still,
— the waving of a loose pendulum in smaller and smaller arcs until it is still.
So it is with our spiritual pursuit of God between the poles of loving and hating, joining with and separating from others, hoping and dying to expectation, trying for God and releasing situations, spiritual mothering and spiritual fathering, spending and being spent—all in increasingly refined arcs toward that moment of perfect stillness when we shall be ushered into the new existence for which creation has been yearning.
written from Merrimack, New Hampshire
First Love Ministry
- a ministry of Anglemar Fellowship
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